


The Weak Light

by CaffeineAddicted



Series: Dark Past [2]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Abuse, Child Abandonment, Dark Past, Depression, Depressive Reader, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Great Depression, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Original Character Death(s), Other, Past Child Abuse, Reader-Insert, Reader-Interactive, Suicide Attempt, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-03
Updated: 2017-10-03
Packaged: 2019-01-08 15:05:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12256761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaffeineAddicted/pseuds/CaffeineAddicted
Summary: After trying to kill yourself by jumping out of Limsa Lominsa Upper Decks, you finally wake up.





	The Weak Light

You were in middle of darkness. That was kinda funny, actually, since people keep calling you their _warrior of light_ but you always thought that it was a sick joke or something. You are not light. Maybe when you were a little kid you could be, but now? After all the things that happened? You were just another dirty killer; your hands were filled with blood. However, you could not say it. They needed a hero. You wanted to be their hero, their friend, to laugh, to play, to help. You wanted to be good.

However, you were not. You were not good. Your family was more than convict about it. About how useless you were. About how you were no good in anything. You couldn’t be a marauder like your sister, you couldn’t swing a sword like you father, you could just read, and read you did. Always, with your old glasses. You were just a nerd little boy, while your sister was the hero. She was always the hero.

Now, for _them_ you were the hero. The Warrior Of Light. That was your story, not your sister’s one.

However, you didn’t deserve it, did you? You did not deserve to be happy with all them, to get kudos from them, no. You did not. Because she as dead, and it was your fault, your father had make it as clear as a crystal for you. Then you got to Limsa Lominsa, to run away of what you have done. However, you didn’t run enough, you _weren’t_ enough. You never were.

And your so called friends never noticed. Yeah, you were always a scared cat, you always got away from the attacks, when you should jump on then, when you should die. Why does it matter that you were ‘blessed’, or anything like that? It didn’t matter at all. It _didn’t_. You knew that you didn’t deserve their friendship. You didn’t deserve to be loved, or cared. When Nanamo died and they tried to incriminate you, your shaky trust in the world started to break again. But you put on a brave face, and faced everything that they threw at you. Until the end. Until that dinner with Sir Aymeric.

Then, your demons came after you, and after all that… You jumped. You wanted to drown, with the stones in your pocket. You choose it. You choose to die. Then why…

_Why your tears won’t stop?_

Even not, in the darkness, you felt then falling through your cheeks. You felt the pain in your lungs, you felt the blanket around you… You knew that you were waking up. But why?! All what you wanted was to die, and now that was being denied for you. It was some other sick joke? They _saved_ you? They thought that it was ‘good’ or something? It wasn’t! You wanted to die! You wanted it! Before…! Before… Your light disappear and they see how you really was.

You opened your eyes, and everything was fuzzy. You couldn’t feel your glasses in your nose, so you pretended that was the reason, and not the tears that wouldn’t stop coming out.

“By the Twelve, he is awake!” 

\------------

They said that they were worried. They said that they wanted to help you. However, you knew that it was a lie. No one ever cared for you; another deadly experience will not change it. You ignored them, looking outside the window. Your throat was hurting, but you did not care. You just wanted to be alone.

Alphinaud… Alisaie… Lyse… Thancred… Y’shtola, even Tataru, talked about caring, and love, and asked why you did what you did. You did not answered their questions. You could not. You should not. You did not want to. One by one, they started leaving the room, since you didn’t say anything and You were relived. That was better. You were alone. You deserved to be alone.

The weak light in your heart was fading faster and faster.


End file.
